Daily tools & techniques to utilize throughout the whole month


A daily Action Plan in the form of a  promise to yourself

I promise to not feel like my body is

 Let’s take a sneak peak at how you might use another Mindful Fertility technique:

fertility friendly (10)

Understanding the underlying thoughts that feed into jealous feelings may help you understand yourself better and even reduce these feelings.

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Common Jealousy Rational #1: “I would be a much better parent, but Ms. Terrible-Mother gets pregnant yet again.”

Why do women get pregnant who were “not even trying”? Why does your co-worker become “accidentally pregnant” when you can’t purposefully get pregnant for months or years now? Why is your neighbor, who you believe to be a terrible mother, able to pop out kids with ease, but you, who you believe would be an awesome mother, can’t conceive no matter how hard you try?

The truth is that pregnancy doesn’t discriminate. Becoming pregnant is not dependent on how “hard you try”, nor on whether you’d make a good parent or a bad one.

Common Jealousy Rational #2: “How dare she complain! She has no idea how lucky she is.”

Nothing stirs up jealousy and anger more than when a lucky friend starts complaining about morning sickness, or having to wake up with the baby in the middle of the night. How dare she complain when you would give everything to have a baby?

Well, here’s the thing to keep in mind: When you’re pregnant, you’ll also probably want to complain. And if you force yourself to keep a happy appearance on the outside throughout pregnancy and the postpartum period, you may set yourself up for feeling depressed. (Because let’s face it, pregnancy and early parenthood isn’t easy, and keeping your struggles a secret isn’t good for your mental health.) In fact, having experienced infertility puts you at a higher risk for developing postpartum depression.

When you hear your friend complaining, remember that whining about pregnancy and the newborn period is also part of the experience. It’s not that they don’t appreciate what they have – they do.

Also, remember that pregnancy and new motherhood are a both a blessing and a difficult experience to go through. Complaining isn’t a sign they don’t appreciate it – it’s part of the reality of pregnancy and parenting.

Common Jealousy Rational #3: “Why her and not me?”

There are two rationales behind this one. One is a kind of silly notion we have that pregnancies are in short supply. Almost like if all your friends get pregnant, there won’t be enough “pregnant” to go around for you, which isn’t true of course.

The other rational behind this one is more accurately, “Why not me?” It’s the sadness peaking out from behind the jealousy.


Recent studies have shown that women dealing with fertility challenges have the same stress levels of those with a chronic illness. This stress and anxiety is proven to be a leading cause of Infertility. Believe it or not, our bodies are equipped to prevent conception from occurring during times of extreme stress. The presence of adrenalin, the hormone that is released by our bodies during stressful times, signals to our body that conditions are not ideal for conception. Learning Mindful Fertility techniques will help empower you and give you the tools to work through feelings such as frustration and sadness, allowing you to find inner peace + strength.


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    • I have never struggled with jealousy until the last few months (its been 10 years now). Really like the blessing plan on doing this next time I see one of my pregnant friends. Thanks

      • Hi Tammy! I’m so glad to hear you will try the blessing. It really does allow one to take back the power doesn’t it. Sometimes this journey makes us feel emotions we have never felt before…that’s hard but with the right techniques we can work through them and most of all realize it’s ok feel them. That they don’t define us. We can also maintain that grace, dignity and love in our own heart which will come back…

  1. I have a 3, almost 4 year old right now. So I have a child already and we struggled to get pregnant with her but not even close to the struggle I have faced the past 2.5 years. I go through waves with this. I’m a very positive person in daily life, but I am the type of person that if something isn’t working I will try to adapt and adjust. I feel like I’ve been adapting and adjusting and no matter what it’s not changing. I know more pregnant people now than I ever have and it seems more frustrating this time than before. I feel like I’m failing every month and that’s where my frustration comes in. You are so right about it’s not how hard you work. I think I just need to come to realization with that because I am so happy for my friends, it’s just something I want so bad…

    • Hi Janessa. Thanks so much for sharing a bit of your journey. Tomorrow’s post (Thursday) I think might really hit home. It’s all based around Disappointment + Frustration. Self Care is so important during this process and one that takes daily maintenance. What kind of things do you do for yourself?

  2. Thank you so much for this post. I’m struggling following my 2nd ivf miscarriage & I really needed to read this today. X

  3. I never dealt with the jealousy issue (even after 8yrs of TTC) but, after finally getting preganant and losing my child the jealously is beyond belief. Thank you for pointing out ways to control it a bit… the prayer would make me feel better as I would never wish harm on the expectant mother or child it’s just all the “what if’s” creeping up on ya!

    • Thanks for sharing Christine! Jealousy is ultimately just frustration coming out right? It’s never a personal thing…Being able to turn that frustration into love and positive energy is the main goal. I like to think about the journey of each pregnant person you might see. What must their journey have been like to get where they are. Blessing that person to continue on a healthy and positive journey is the most powerful thing you can do for another human being but also for yourself and your future baby. You would hope that when you have your pregnant belly and others see you that they are sending nothing but positive energy and love your way too!

  4. I didn’t realize I was jealous until I read this. Often say why does she who can’t care properly for her child have children and not me. Then recently my cousin became pregnant again. She is wonderful person. I just wish I could have a baby girl too. I took the challenge and said a prayer for her and for myself :0) I feel better about it and not envious. A child is a blessing. God has many blessings to go around!!

  5. Yesterday I blogged about how unexplained infertility is not your fault and that it is ok to be jealous knowing that my situation is out of my control ( I also took control and declined a baby shower invite so that I can take care of myself and not all jealously to get to me.

    • Denise thanks for sharing your Blog post + site! Good for you for taking control and putting your needs first after being aware of the emotions you were feeling. Sounds like you definitely put the 3 A’s into practice!

  6. It was surprising to read exactly what would go through my mind. Jealousy is ugly and extremely hard to let go of when dealing with infertility. But I pray that everyday gets a little easier.

  7. This has perfect timing for me! I’ve been TTC for 3+ years and just recently had a close co-worker announce her news. I had a hard time accepting it and felt terrible jealously and had the ‘why me’ meltdown! Learning one day at a time to focus on the positive.

    • Amanda thanks for sharing! HUGS! I’m sorry and yes totally healthy to have a why me breakdown. Sometimes we keep things inside bottled up and releasing the emotion is needed. Knowing you aren’t alone and knowing it’s totally normal to feel this way I hope makes things a bit easier to handle on those days.

  8. This has definitely been a hard one for me! It is so hard to not be jealous, although lately pregnancy announcements just make me sad for us. I feel like we’re falling behind and like it’s starting to be obvious to everyone else that there’s something wrong with us–especially since we’re becoming aunt and uncle for the 4th time between our younger siblings. It’s hard not to question why it worked for them so easily. If our siblings are fine (3 oops babies!) we should be too.

    • Ryanne, thanks for sharing. It is hard not to question others, but comparison is the thief of joy…just focus on your journey and staying as healthy and happy as you can working towards a healthy pregnancy. It’s hard not to remind yourself of your ‘timeline’ in life and if you are there or not. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t. You can only control your part and focusing on what you CAN do and what you have power over is most important. You are beyond courageous. xo

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