If you have never gone through the struggle of trying to start a family and/or experienced loss, you don’t know the bottomless depths of what infertility can feel like. Please stop making suggestions or adding silver linings to soften what we are enduring. If you’ve had the luxury of having children and planning your pregnancy, getting pregnant and carrying your child, you don’t get to have an opinion about our choices.
To have an opinion about our choices to have a child, makes it seem like you honestly underestimate the yearning and need to have your own biological child? To experience the smallest of pleasures of planning that pregnancy, the excitement and wonder of carrying the child inside you. How can you really just toss aside the value of that whole entire experience? If you didn’t, you wouldn’t dismiss why we fight month after month and spend 10’s of thousands of dollars for just one more chance at that experience. Why we don’t ‘just adopt’ or use other means that doesn’t involve our own bodies first. How can you dismiss that, like it’s something we can just overcome and happily go onto Plan B, like it’s no big deal. We might get to our Plan B, but right now we are not there and we need you to see the value of our sacrifice.
If you are in our life the only role we need from you is support and understanding. Pep talks, judgment and sugar-coating our situation have no place in this circle. Helping us means no suggestions, no have you tried, are you sure’s, or pity about our reality and the choices we are choosing to make right now. We need to only be reminded that our choices are valued and how proud you are of us for being courageous enough to continue to fight and work towards them.
Don’t ever make us doubt our reason WHY. That’s like us asking you to doubt your child. To second guess their importance and value to your life.
So, if you are here in the long run to support us through this season, please by all means check in, give us a hug and include us in all the plans. We might be here for a while and to be forgotten is just another heart-break from those we care about. We already feel like everyone is moving on around us. Please don’t leave us feeling more alone. ‘How’s the baby making going?’ is not the right thing to ask. Ask if we need a night out to talk and just hang. Ask if we want to spend the afternoon doing something fun! Talk about your life and just connect authentically. You don’t have to walk on egg shells. Most of all encourage us when we feel like we can’t go on and are failing. We want to do the same for you…(Because believe me we are already beating ourselves up on a daily basis for a million things.)
We will pretend to be okay for the sake of people who don’t understand. We will look strong from the outside because we don’t want to burden others. We will even brush off our pain and disappointment to make everyone feel more comfortable. We will smile and turn the attention back onto you. Be the person we don’t have to do that with… Be that person because we need you more than ever.
Getting support and being part of a community that just get’s it, is the single most important thing you can do!
With our Mindful Fertility program, Pre-Conception Diet Makeover and private groups, we help inspire, support and connect sisters daily, from pre-conception to post baby. We just launched our new all natural, organic fertility body care line called Bloom Essentials! Our community of support is the perfect accompaniment to fertility treatments and procedures you might be going through. Our sisterhood is tailored to those experiencing stress and anxiety related to infertility and related procedures such as IUI/IVF.