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Protected: Day 5 – Affirmation Tools

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We are all just waiting for someone to tell us, if we fail, we wont be a failure. We are all just waiting for someone to promise us that they’ll cheer us on regardless. To respect what truly matters to us, even if they don't get it, or see it with the same passion or intensity as we do.So, if you are waiting for someone to give you permission to be terrified, to fail, to be an emotional mess, and to not have any answers, well that’s happening right now. It’s easy to share the happy endings that make us feel good. Harder to share when others (or our own minds tell us we aren't good enough.) But the world doesn’t need more people who feel shame for being who they are. It needs less preach and more support during the ugly, hard, not so pretty moments. It needs more props for just showing up, for surviving and starting over. (Again) So, here's to the survivors, who had the courage to show up and put themselves out there. To the one who is still in the thick of it all. I know I sound like a broken record but... You are seen. You are heard. Your story matters. It demands respect, support and understanding. Love, Chiemi xo

Sometimes infertility manifests into anxiety, which manifests into anger, which turns into guilt. But if she looked closer and deep enough, she would realize she wasn’t an angry, negative, bitter person at all.She was someone who has been hurt, who has felt terrified and who is also standing at the line, wondering how much more she can take. She is just like you. She is trusting in advance, what will only one day make sense in reverse.She will try to remember to be softer on herself and remember she has a story that should demand respect, support and understanding. That she is held up by more resiliency and courage, than most can even fathom. 💕 Chiemi xo

Promise me, you will be extra gentle on yourself right now. When you don't feel like yourself anymore. When you are a ball of nerves. When you feel like yelling, then crying all in the same breath. When you are on edge and full of rage. There is a reason for that. Did you know hormone related anxiety and symptoms of depression are 100% real. It's frustrating to feel trapped inside a body that is feeling things you can't control. It can feel like an uphill battle. Please remind yourself of this, instead of beating yourself up, You aren't yourself right now, and that's ok! It's not you. It's the hormones...You are strong. You are brave. Now be gentle too...

Infertility can bring an array of emotions. When the memory of hurt is still so fresh, the intensity of these emotions/triggers can start to sneak into your daily life and relationships. Remain in that state only long enough to realize that, even though it hurts, you are strong enough to cope with it! You are supported enough to work through it! You are loved enough to handle what's next! Remain anchored in this present. Infertility tends to make you linger in the past and have anxiety about the future. When you’re haunted by the painful memory of past sufferings, you cease to pay attention to what goes on around you. You lose yourself in a downward spiral of negative thoughts and painful images. Often revolving around yourself. What we keep telling ourselves about our future story can play a crucial role in our happiness. Rewrite your personal story and present yourself as the proud, courageous, strong survivor who’s overcome trauma and found the path to a brighter and happier life. An excellent way to break this vicious circle is by giving yourself a ‘push’ toward something new and exciting. Something to mark the beginning of a positive chapter. Cultivate optimism. Buy yourself a set of paint and brushes and let your imagination flow onto a fresh canvas; take up lessons; write, blog, listen to music, spend time with only those who inspire your soul, okay with animals, learn how to play an instrument; do something that sparks your curiosity! How can you do something nice for yourself, when you carry the burden of guilt and shame? How can you invest in something relaxing, when you hold yourself responsible and refuse ‘let your guard down’ and enjoy life for a moment? Though it might feel a bit strange at first, caring for yourself – for your needs and desires – is an act of self-compassion and self-respect. In other words, you place yourself first for once. You can choose to put your health and happiness above all else. Nobody deserves it more than you! 💕 Chiemi xo

The road to pregnancy is just as unique as pregnancy itself. We don't question pregnancy complications or make the mother feel inadequate for them. We only support her and tell her to rest and make sure she is cared for. Well, Infertility is not a single brush stroke. It is just as complex and with many layers. Women need to be nurtured in the same way. Supporting a friend through it, is not about trying to be their therapist, with suggestions to 'get over' things, or to be their Dr. giving them advice about reproduction and ways to cure them. To truly support someone just tell them you are there. Be there for them when they pull away. Check in. Listen if they share their emotions. Let them feel like it is ok to be angry, tired, sad, anxious, and scared all at once. Acknowledge their daily struggle. Remind them of the power and strength they already have demonstrated. Just be a friend. 💕💕

Sometimes the pain comes from feeling like you’ve already had to sacrifice so much, while others get to have it all. (And so effortlessly.) Perhaps even undeserving... The fun planning, spur of the moment sex, anticipation of the TWW, excitement of peeing on a stick, the ultrasound keepsake and the cute, creative way of telling your spouse. What was supposed to be just ours is now shared between so many. People who get to know we are pregnant or not, even before we do. People who tell us when and where and how. Which makes nothing about it effortless. That’s why every pregnancy announcement, shower invite and gender reveal stings so bad. We are building a new dream. We see the excitement and glee in your eyes and we are scared we will never feel that. Or that we will and it will be taken away. We are emotionally taunted by other's joy. We see your innocence of never having to experience loss, scheduled BD’ing, ultrasounds, needles, treatments, hormones, blood tests, an entire medical team of people... Yes we all know the end result is what’s important, believe us we do, but the truth is infertility robs you of the small things. The things you often take for granted. The surprises. The fumbling, romantic, sloppy ignorant bliss of it all.

She had always been there for everyone and for the first time in her life she just couldn't. What she realized was that to truly find a place of peace, she needed to let go of thinking she was the bad person for saying no. No to putting other peoples needs before her own. No for not being able to be there physically sometimes. No for putting the health of herself and her future baby ahead of everything else. No to emotionally being there beyond what she has left, to celebrate your joy. She had no regrets nor would she ever apologize for needing extra space to protect her heart and follow her dream.💕

This is for her. This is her sign that she is cared for and seen and loved. The one who has been telling herself all day to 'stop feeling sorry for herself'. The one who is trying so hard to put on a smile, even though she feels like crawling into bed and never getting out. Because having to pretend is so incredibly draining. The one who is trying to stay strong and positive with every fiber of her being, but she's just so tired. She's tired of having to fight so hard. She's tired of holding it all in. She, who would just like a sign. (This is something to hold onto.) She, who needs some joy in her corner for once. (This is some positive light to help steer and guide you.) She needs fuel. She needs hope. Here is her sign. 💕

Let's help bear the pain that 'simply is.' Let's stop telling people they have to heal to feel whole again. Emotions will shift and change, day to day, months and even years later. They will resurface in surprising new forms, That doesn't mean we are falling backwards. Let's listen without offering advice. Let's be willing to sit through tears, moments of rage and complete hopelessness. Let's name our own emotions and help someone name theirs. Humbly say, “I care so much about you that I don’t know what to say or do for you. I know you are hurting, Can I give you a hug?” Only in the most vulnerable of moments together, can pain become unstuck and slowly begin to move.

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I know…This. Is. Hard. Today.

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Infertility makes you feel guilty.(But we won’t let it.)

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