Take Out These 4 Toxins

New research has found a correlation between environmental factors and the effects they can have on one’s fertility.

Cousins are childhood playmateswho become lifetime friends.

According to The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists and the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), “toxic chemicals in the environment harm our ability to reproduce, negatively affect pregnancies, and are associated with numerous other long-term health problems.” There’s also evidence that suggests exposure to endocrine disruptors, chemicals that appear to disrupt hormonal activity, may be linked to problems with fertility and aspects of reproduction.

Though it’s unrealistic to avoid all chemicals and toxins, here are 4 toxins that you may be able to limit your exposure to:

Personal care products: Parabens, found in many personal products such as shampoos, makeup and body lotions mimic estrogen and have been linked to reproductive issues.

Fragrances: Fragrances in perfumes, shampoos and air fresheners, among other things, often contain Phthalates. Phthalates have shown to interfere with hormone production, decrease sperm count and cause developmental defects.

Pesticides: Researchers warn that pesticides in fruits and vegetables may lead to lower sperm counts of poorer quality.

Plastics: Some plastics release toxic chemicals like vinyl chloride, phthalates and bisphenol A (BPA). BPA has been shown to act as an endocrine disruptor and interfere with hormone function and regulation. BPA can be found in the lining of some food and beverages cans as well as polycarbonate plastic.

Though it’s impossible to avoid all chemicals and toxins in the environment, there are ways to decrease your exposure. Simply having a little knowledge about certain toxins can go a long way in helping you make choices to enhance rather than harm your fertility, and the health of your future children.

To learn more about taking the toxins out of your fertility visit HERE!

 

Go ahead. Tell me how this was meant to be.

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When you hear someone is fighting through Infertility, or has experienced loss or perhaps failed fertility treatments, what do you do with that? How do you find the right words for that couple? The natural response is to sometimes avoid them, fearing not knowing what to say, feeling like you might say the ‘wrong’ thing, to also feel deep sympathy, and sorrow for their loss. You naturally want them to get better, feel better.

For things to be ok. But what if things aren’t?

Couples with Infertility have no choice but to just keep fighting. Those around them, searching for an appropriate response to their situation often fall back on,

“How are you now?” (How do you think we are)

or

“I hope you are feeling better.” (Nope still feeling pain…)

or some of the dreaded…

“Things happen for a reason.”  (What is the reason??)

or

“Things that are meant to be, will be.” (Enlighten us. Why is this meant to be? What did we do to deserve this? Where is the rhythm or reason behind any of it?)

The reality for some couples is that many of them aren’t feeling any better than they were yesterday, or the day before or the day before that. They are still dealing with the same issues they were last year and, it is likely that some of them will be on a path getting progressively more difficult, entailing  painful treatments, costing thousands of more dollars and months of sacrifice ahead. Forcing them to put their life on hold in ways most can’t even imagine. There might not be any ‘curing Infertility” and that is their reality. That is what they are trying to prosess every day.

Let’s be honest no one likes to hear this kind of news and no one wants to say it. No one enjoys giving depressing news, and couples start to feel bad that they have to. So it’s either tell the truth (a Cole’s notes version), or lie and smile. So how do couples and the caring friends and family, get more comfortable with Infertility which sometimes feels emotionally burdensome? No one wants to be the sad story…no one wants that look of pity.

So if you are looking to support someone you know who has Infertility, just be there for them. Invite them to everything, yes even baby showers, baby parties and birthdays. EVEN if you know they won’t go. Let THEM turn you down. Don’t let them feel forgotten. Treat them like anyone else…Don’t pry for personal details. Let them initiate conversations about what they might be going through. If they feel you are truly there for them they will reach out/if/when they need to. Save comments and suggestions to yourself. Be understanding that their life is full of last minute situations, early mornings, numerous appointments, timely commitments, and waiting. Lots of waiting…Humour is always welcome and so are small gestures of love. Most importantly don’t be so hard of yourself! Your aren’t expected to fix anything or have any answers. Just be a friend and if ever at a loss for words, give a hug.

If you are looking for extra support, understanding and sisterhood, you are welcome to join the Miss.Conception Coach community! It is a safe place to connect with others ttc sisters with Infertility, who truly understand the daily challenges.

p.s. Want to learn more about Bloom Essentials Fertility Body Care + Wellness? The first & only Organic, Vegan, Natural, Fertility Body Care line custom blended for Women trying to conceive  Click here!

Does my experience of pain compare to yours in the world of Infertility rankings?

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Saying someone can’t be sad because someone else may have it worse is just like saying someone can’t be happy because someone else might have it better.

Everyone’s infertility experience is different, just like every pregnancy experience is different. We naturally try to measure our heartache and somehow compare it to another person’s experience. Does my experience of pain and loss qualify compared to yours in the world of Infertility rankings? We subconsciously go through our emotional and physical checklist. I didn’t have a miscarriage or I didn’t do IVF, but I did 3 IUI’s and had a chemical pregnancy. Is that ENOUGH? What if I was to conceive naturally? Does this qualify? Do I even belong here? How do I even respectfully sit in the same place, side by side with a sister who had a loss at 20 weeks, or 5 IVF attempts, or 6 years of TTC, when here I am ONLY at 2… The truth is that comparing pain and experiences simply can’t be done, because one person’s hurt is surely not comparable to another’s no matter what the experience. There is no imaginable way to figure out what it is like to be inside another person’s heart and soul and experience how they are processing these incredibly painful emotions. We are all unique in how we process pain and cope with them as they are happening and even months or years later. The bottom line is that we really can never know what another person is going through and we certainly can’t expect to make a judgment call about others or our own coping skills. This healing process is definitely in need of kind and gentle support from ourselves and towards each other. We are all here because we bravely shared our story and heard the words, ‘me too’ echoed back to us. That is the moment each and every one of our stories became validated to belong here. There is great comfort and healing in those two words. They are enough. So share your story and inspire someone else to do so!

This Is The Infertility You Don’t See While I’m Relaxing

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  • Hiding behind my smile because there are days I just want to scream but I know added stress will hurt me in the long run.
  • Looking at my husband thinking how disappointed I am when we receive negative results from the doctor because I am responsible for our infertility. I wonder how it can be so easy for other normal couples when the statistics show 15-20% chance of conception occur in NORMAL COUPLES through natural fertility.
  • Constantly worried about money and debt and how to pay for the next treatment/cycle, etc. Spending thousands of dollars and still no baby.
  • No longer wearing foundation, “donating” plasma for money, pineapples smoothies, acupuncture.
  • Avoiding Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. We generally send our parents a card and stay away from everyone that day.
  • Needing alone time. It’s hard to make babies when family or friends want to stay with you constantly.
  • Constantly focused on my weight and my diet and thinking about the next strategy to get my body and mind in shape for another cycle
  • Sometimes bursting into tears seeing someone interacting with their kids or babies on FB and feeling like I’ve missed my shot at having that.
  • Calling in sick to work because I’m waiting for pregnancy test results or recovering from crying non-stop over a failed cycle.
  • Sad for every birthday that goes by because I keep thinking I’m now too old to have a baby.
  • Dreading Christmas without the magic of my own child to share it with. Having an ornament that honors our lost babies instead of celebrating baby’s first christmas.
  • Knowing that I still have maternity pants in my closet, but still use them when I’m super bloated from a transfer cycle and hormone injections.
  • Wondering what it must be like to try to have a baby the “natural way” (I’ve never experienced this)
  • Being afraid to hold a friend’s baby because I’m worried all I can see is the baby I lost.
  • Pretending it doesn’t break my heart every time I see a pregnant woman.
  • Trying to hide extreme anxiety if something triggers memories of my pregnancy losses
  • Wondering if I’ll ever buy an “elf on the shelf” or pretend to be the tooth fairy or put out cookies for Santa or hide easter eggs.
  • I can’t go into any section of a store where there are baby items, not even to buy a gift for a friend.
  • Hiding out sometimes for days at a time avoiding everyone.
  • Filtering my struggles and my story on my blog because my husband doesn’t want anyone to know about his issues with infertility.
  • Mother’s Day can send me into a horrible depression and crying spell.
  • My dog has outfits for Christmas, Halloween and Easter.
  • Acting like everything is ok even though you have just had ANOTHER miscarriage, chemical , or failed ivf cycle.
  • Hating myself for not being able to become pregnant.
  • Drowning myself in home projects, becoming so actively fit.
  • Getting upset at every single pregnancy announcement and going back through Facebook to people’s dates on wedding photos to see how quickly they got pregnant with no struggle.
  • Get angry at people for asking insensitive questions… then realise they can’t see my scars and have no idea about our struggle.
  • Watching my husband break down because he wants one soooo bad.
  • Felling guilty that even though we adopted I still feel broken. I feel guilty that I still want to give birth. I have never felt so much joy and pain in the same moment before.
  • That I take so many vitamins and supplements to help me try to regulate my body to perform just a little normal.
  • Finding myself with nothing to say when I am in big groups because my friends all have a billion babies and it’s always about being pregnant in one form or another.
  • Never wanting to be alone. Never alone means I can pretend all is okay.
  • Trying not to ignore, without looking rude, to the pregnant bellied teacher who always seems to be in the hallway when you are.
  • Always giving excuses for not attending baby showerS, wedding bells, kids birthday parties, friends/family gathering’s.
  •  Can’t plan ahead for any holidays because of fertility treatment or you think you might get ‘pregnant’ that time.

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Please Don’t Underestimate How Hard I Am Trying

bloom

When I am sitting in a room full of pregnant women, with babies bouncing on laps, smiling, joyful coos and squeezes, wrapped in blissful arms, please don’t underestimate how hard I am trying to hold back tears. How hard I am trying to smile. To belong, to feel present. If you only knew how much it took for me to hold it in, then cry in my car on the way home. If you only knew, you wouldn’t second guess why I don’t attend anymore…

When I wake up and log into social media and see 7 pregnancy announcements and ultrasound pics, gender reveals and newborn baby pics. Please don’t underestimate how hard I am trying. I’m sorry I have to ‘unfollow’ you for a while. Please know it’s not personal. It’s just painful. I am truly happy for your joy, but can’t hold in my own feelings of jealousy. Please know I am trying, but I can only take so much. Please know how strong I have to be to talk myself out of the self loathing I feel for being such a ‘horrible’ person.

When I find out we were the only ones not invited to the weekend gathering, It makes me feel like we are invisible. Invisible within a world we are not a part of now because we don’t have kids. I pretend it doesn’t break my heart in a million pieces, that my best friends no longer include us – ‘because they didn’t think we’d want to come to a kids birthday’. Please don’t underestimate how hard it is to feel forgotten, but still have the courage to keep fighting, desperately searching for a place to belong. Stuck between worlds is a lonely place and a daily reminder of what we still don’t have.

When I can’t drink, or eat certain things or have to skip vacations and last minute family gatherings, it’s not because I am high maintenance or think I am better than anyone else or don’t care, it’s because I am trying. Please don’t underestimate my desperation daily. The one I hide through my smiles and silence. I am sorry for this silence about my truth, but It’s too hard to share. I don’t want to see pity in your eyes. Please don’t underestimate the length to which I have obsessively lived because I am doing my best. I am doing everything. Living in a cycle of grief and failure, desperately trying to be better, do better. Please don’t underestimate the energy this takes. If you only knew what I have survived, even this week, you’d be surprised I even got out of bed.

If you only knew why I sit quietly while everyone else is chatting about sippy cups, potting training and pregnancy symptoms. Please don’t underestimate how hard it is to sit there, feeling alone, praying no one notices or asks me how I am, or better yet, asks when I’m having kids. I sit in anxiety praying you don’t make any suggestions, or ask if we’ve tried ___, or tell me about your friend’s cousin who did this and then got pregnant with twins after 5 years. Please don’t underestimate how hard I am trying to rise above the anger I feel boil up inside me…

If you only knew everything we have sacrificed for this.
THOUSANDS of
dollars,
hours,
moments.

I am not asking for anything more than empathy and understanding. You have never had to be here where we are, so please don’t underestimate how hard I am trying every single day, in every single way.

(brutally honest) Status Updates Women With Infertility Want To Post On Social Media, But Don’t.

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“Crappy day; after spending $10k and giving myself daily injections, Doctor tells me my eggs are duds”

“Gotta be prepared for anything this week… I just went to the store and bought tampons, chocolate, and pregnancy tests.”

“Quit complaining about how tired you are up at the Crack of dawn with your baby. Some of us only dream for the privilege…”

“I wish that when I had “sex ed” classes in school that they also covered just how common issues with fertility really are… maybe then I wouldn’t think of “infertility” as such a dirty and loaded word.”

“Take your pregnancy announcement and shove it.” (Too much?)

If you all knew how lucky you really were…”

“I love that you had a healthy baby, BUT please STOP moaning about not getting any sleep. Some of us would LOVE to be in your position!”

“While you are getting up at the crack of dawn with a crying baby, I’m getting up to go the fertility clinic to get yet more blood taken from me and an ultrasound machine up the hoo ha just to see if I can try to get pregnant.”

I’ll show you what #momgoals really looks like…”

“I’ll switch your pregnancy pains in a heart beat. Yes, I would love to have your morning sickness, headaches, heart burn, joint pain, and constipation. Why? Because it’s part of the wonderful gift when you are growing a child.”

“Oh look, I got my period. Again. That’ll make it 47 months in a row. Still not pregnant.”

“My baby died. I didn’t “lose my pregnancy”. I shouldn’t “be grateful it wasn’t a real child yet” or “try again next time” or “get over it”. My baby DIED.”

“If one more person tells me to “Relax, it’ll happen when it’s time!” I am going to throat punch someone.”

“No we don’t want to “just adopt”. We want a baby that is a bit of both of us-plus adoption is a hugely emotional rollercoaster as well & we need to be mentally prepared for that.”

“It doenst happen when ‘the time is right’, how can the time be right for teenagers or drug addicts who don’t want kids? I really hate hearing this, I just want it to be my time. And no i don’t want to adopt, I have an adopted son, and really still want the whole experience of bringing my own child into this world…”

“I can’t just “get over” having a miscarriage. Every day I think about how old my baby would be now or how different our lives would be…”

“…the swelling from treatment made me look like I was 4m pregnant.”

“Sorry but I don’t want to talk today, I’m feeling so down, it’s not against you, I just want to be alone…”

“…after an embryonic miscarriage in Dec and 1st failed round of Clomid in Jan, I had to endure 3 weeks of breakthrough bleeding from 21 day supply of birth control in Feb just to start round 2 of Clomid and Metformin this month. We are certainly praying this month is our lucky month since all my bloodwork is good, tubes are cleared, hormones are stable and my paleo gluten-free diet and exercise falls suit with my PCOS. Welcome to my world and I still keep a smile on my face and love every moment of my life!”

“Don’t tell me that I should be lucky I can GET pregnant, or that at least i was early….just say I’M SORRY.”

“For those that have struggled to conceive or have struggled with miscarriage, pregnancy announcements can be hard. We aren’t mad at you for having a baby, but it does hurt to see others achieving the same thing that you so desperately want. If I don’t immediately congratulate you on your pregnancy, it isn’t because I am not happy for you….I’m still processing my feelings and sorting through my own feelings of inadequacy.”

“If I decline your baby shower invite doesn’t mean I don’t love you, it just means that I have enough anxiety sitting in a room with a pregnant person and don’t need to subject myself to two plus hours of a party centered around the thing that never leaves my mind and I can’t seem to achieve. Its really nothing personal. Now please except this expensive do-hicky that was on your registry and forgive me for being human!”

“Already having a child doesn’t negate from the hurt and devastation of loosing a child. Already having a child doesn’t take away the struggle of ovulation tests, constant PFN tests, or various tests that my husband and I have gone through. Already having a child doesn’t take away the void that we still have missing pieces to our family. I am beyond grateful for the amazing gift that my 8yr old has brought. But infertility struggles are still very real.”

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get wellsoon!