This Is Also Me. The One You Don’t See On My Instagram Feed.

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She remembers that day. It was a warm Summer afternoon and she had made plans weeks ago, to go out with her two closest friends. She was always hesitant to make plans because she just never knew how she would be feeling in the 2WW. She knew that getting out was good for her though. Although staying in and hiding from the world was what she usually did, obsessing about her symptoms and overthinking everything. She’s glad she decided to go because it was a day she needed more than anything. It felt good to be outside in the sun and catching up with everyone. Her two besties knew not to ask the dreaded questions… That if she wanted to share, she would. It was an unspoken understanding and being with people who totally get it was a nice mental break. She remembers seeing a couple with a baby in the parking lot when they got to the restaurant. It triggered her and she felt her stomach suddenly drop. She told herself to just enjoy her lunch and try to relax. She was sick of infertility inconveniencing her life. She let herself have some wine even though the whole time she drank it she felt guilty. When didn’t she feel guilty??? She knew that it wouldn’t do any harm, but it was just one more thing she would obsess over if this cycle didn’t work out. For a brief moment she felt relaxed. She let herself turn off reality for awhile. She listened to her friends talk about their lives, one with kids and one without and single. How different all their lives were, yet bonded together by years of friendship. They knew her before getting married and wanting to start a family. They knew her when she was that carefree, blissfully naive 20 something. They have been through so much together. Thank god for these two people she thought to herself with immense gratitude.

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She remembers taking the picture in the sunflower field beside the restaurant patio. It was busy full of people doing the same thing but for a split second it was just the three of them. SNAP. The perfect moment captured. But still underneath that smile lived fear and anxiety. Sometimes paralyzing her to the point of not wanting to get up and go to work, that makes her cry in her car, that stops her from answering her texts or phone calls or emails. That makes her mind race with a thousand what if’s. That feels like a constant loop being played over and over about dates, times, appointments, invoices, and coordinating schedules. Waiting for calls, returning calls and follow ups. Hoping for a break. Hoping for a miracle. Hoping for some answers. Most days she  pushes herself, hiding her feelings from everyone. She doesn’t want to be a burden and make a big deal about it. Everyone has their own life with their own issues. Nobody wants to hear someone complaining about the same thing all the time. So she kept it inside. She had many hats to wear and people depended on her. Sister, daughter, friend, wife. She couldn’t just give up. She has come to realize that you can never tell what someone is going through just from looking at them. That everyone is battling something they don’t talk about or share and how incredibly brave it is we all keep smiling even through that pain.


Getting support and being part of a community that just get’s it, is the single most important thing you can do!

With our Mindful Fertility program, Pre-Conception Diet Makeover and private groups, we help inspire, support and connect sisters daily, from pre-conception to post baby.  We just launched our new all natural, organic fertility body care line called Bloom Essentials! Our community of support is the perfect accompaniment to fertility treatments and procedures you might be going through. Our sisterhood of support and guidance is tailored to those experiencing stress and anxiety related to infertility and related procedures such as IUI/IVF.

love

 

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