Dear Family + Friends:
You might have noticed, I sometimes try to hide my struggles. The truth is I do that because I don’t want to be a bother. But you might still see it. You might notice when I don’t attend some gatherings, or I seem quiet for a few weeks, or I stop sharing and kinda go off the grid. You see it because you care. And because you care, you often try to help. Or maybe you are quiet too because you don’t know how to help or don’t want to pry. You tell me to not worry so much because I am still young. You tell me to relax. That it will happen if I just keep having faith and to not ever give up hope. You tell me about your friend who just got pregnant after changing her diet and doing acupuncture. You told me about your cousin’s friend who also has PCOS and was cured by a quick procedure. You softly suggest maybe I should look into adoption. You send me articles about infertility. Things that can help, cure and fix…But it hasn’t happened. It’s just not that simple this whole infertility thing.
I want you to understand what that feels like, because I want you to know I’m not ignoring all your heartfelt advice. I know my emotions can be hard for you to deal with and my struggle isn’t an easy one. For that reason, I feel like I owe you some honest insight. Infertility is just a term, but the emotions encompass it are grief, anger, jealousy, fear, sadness and anxiety to name a few. All of that together feels like an vast ocean. I am just a tiny spec treading water in this ocean. When the waves hit month after month, I struggle to keep my head above water. It’s overwhelming and every single moment feels like I’m one breathe away from drowning. This ocean is so big, so vast and extends further than I can see. Just when I think I am closer to shore I get pushed back. The words “just relax” force me to struggle against myself inside infertility. And the water rises just a little more around me. It should be obvious, but please remember: If I could just relax, I would have done so by now. These emotions are not a choice, or something I can always control or even understand. So please stop telling me not to feel them. Please stop using phrases that imply I should be able to control my infertility and all the emotions that go along with it.
Please do support me by checking once in awhile to let me know you are thinking of me. To just listen to how I am feeling and to reassure me that I am doing everything I can and that you acknowledge the strength and courage it has taken to keep swimming.
Getting support and being part of a community that just get’s it, is the single most important thing you can do!
With our Mindful Fertility program, Pre-Conception Diet Makeover and private groups, we help inspire, support and connect sisters daily, from pre-conception to post baby. We just launched our new all natural, organic fertility body care line called Bloom Essentials! Our community of support is the perfect accompaniment to fertility treatments and procedures you might be going through. Our sisterhood of support and guidance is tailored to those experiencing stress and anxiety related to infertility and related procedures such as IUI/IVF.