Some days can leave you feeling (irrationally) angry with those around you. It can take everyday interaction with people and turn them into huge triggers. Waiting in line at a store, hanging out with a friend, a Facebok post, a commercial, a coworker. Small daily things get amplified and suddenly the person complaining they are tired becomes incredibly annoying, when a friend posts about her naughty toddler, a pregnant co worker proclaims she is so done with her pregnancy belly, a next door neighbor yells at her toddler, a story on the news about harm to a newborn baby, a good friend gets knocked up by mistake (again). Sure it’s not rational but neither is fighting Infertility every.single.dam.day.of.your.life.
Trying to hold on to who you are, when not obsessing about trying to get pregnant, is one of the hardest battles you will ever fight. Sometimes you wonder who you would be without this daily fight. Would you be the girl who smiles more? One ready for adventure at any moment? Making plans on a whim? Would you be connecting with those around you better? Closer? Not having to keep so much of your world and parts of you private. Hiding how you are truly feeling to most…Would you feel more included? Would you have gone on that trip? Bought that car? House? Would you have a different life??? Yes, perhaps.
Some days aren’t meant for healing.
Or moving forward.
Some days are just meant to be.
Days to just be in whatever mood you are feeling. This allows yourself to be free of the constant spiral. It allows your tomorrow to be a more present one. Where you know that infertility is a battle you have to fight, but where you also know you’ve done, and are doing everything in your power you can to fight it. It lets your soul and heart exist in a present where you are supported with love around you. Where you can share your feelings and feel calmer. Exist in the present where you know you have no control after a certain point. So you will let go to fill that space with comfort however the heck you need to!! Exist in the present where you are nurturing what YOU need and not worrying about how others might feel. A better you, because you took today.