Saying someone can’t be sad because someone else may have it worse is just like saying someone can’t be happy because someone else might have it better.
Everyone’s infertility experience is different, just like every pregnancy experience is different. We naturally try to measure our heartache and somehow compare it to another person’s experience. Does my experience of pain and loss qualify compared to yours in the world of Infertility rankings? We subconsciously go through our emotional and physical checklist. I didn’t have a miscarriage or I didn’t do IVF, but I did 3 IUI’s and had a chemical pregnancy. Is that ENOUGH? What if I was to conceive naturally? Does this qualify? Do I even belong here? How do I even respectfully sit in the same place, side by side with a sister who had a loss at 20 weeks, or 5 IVF attempts, or 6 years of TTC, when here I am ONLY at 2… The truth is that comparing pain and experiences simply can’t be done, because one person’s hurt is surely not comparable to another’s no matter what the experience. There is no imaginable way to figure out what it is like to be inside another person’s heart and soul and experience how they are processing these incredibly painful emotions. We are all unique in how we process pain and cope with them as they are happening and even months or years later. The bottom line is that we really can never know what another person is going through and we certainly can’t expect to make a judgment call about others or our own coping skills. This healing process is definitely in need of kind and gentle support from ourselves and towards each other. We are all here because we bravely shared our story and heard the words, ‘me too’ echoed back to us. That is the moment each and every one of our stories became validated to belong here. There is great comfort and healing in those two words. They are enough. So share your story and inspire someone else to do so!