What do you call the loss of grieving your Emby Baby?

dear-emby-baby-2
We have words for the loss of a baby, such as miscarriage and still-born. 1,2,3 trimester technicalities, all very clinical. Loss is loss. Pain is pain. Grieving the death of a baby that was growing inside of you, at any stage is…there are no words. None.
We don’t have a word for when someone goes through fertility treatment like IVF or IUI and it ‘fails’. The loss of that Emby Baby is just as real and painful and devastating. The added stress of these treatment plans, injections, procedures and on top of that, the monetary pressure, is unfathomable. Yet it’s done unselfishly, out of love.
The love you have is instant, from the moment your Emby Baby is inside of you. But, how do you grieve when that Emby Baby stops growing? What do you do with the pain of your hopes and dreams slipping away? The pain of allowing yourself to be vulnerable again. The pain of promising yourself you wouldn’t get invested so early, but did, because how could you not? You sit in shock and defeat, ready to give up, not because you want to, but because you can’t fathom loss on this level – again.
Where does your support come from to get through this pain? Maybe half of the people in your life don’t even know what you have endured. Most won’t really understand and others, well you don’t want to share such personal feeling with. So you smile through your pain, pretending you are ok.
One day mamma, I want you to know we see your loss. We validate your feelings. You have the right to mourn your precious Emby Baby.  It’s not just a ‘failed cycle’ because the cells stopped dividing. It was your Emby Baby and I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m so sorry you had to endure all of that and are left with arms empty.
We will wrap our arms around you and hold you tight. You have a safe place to grieve. You have a community that get’s it, where you never have to hide or put on a fake smile. There is no pretense or shame here. We understand that you can’t even talk about trying again and will need a break. We understand you will have to unfollow some pregnant friends. We understand you can’t be around anything baby related right now and we won’t take it personally. We understand some days you will be filled with rage. That you are angry. You are not being overly emotional or too sensitive. It’s ok that some days you will need to hide and just be alone. We will be here for all of it…unconditionally. For you, because you are worth it…you are loved and supported. So let’s laugh, cry and scream and slowly  heal together.

2 thoughts on “What do you call the loss of grieving your Emby Baby?

  1. This is the first time I have felt someone say how i feel. 😞 When our ivf failed a few months ago it didn’t just feel like a failed attempt I felt like I had lost something. We had a perfect graded embie and I got to see it and after it was transferred I looked after it and protected it – but it didn’t make it and I felt like I had lost something more than people understood, u genuinely felt like i had lost a baby but was scared to say that in case people thought I was crazy. Thank u for you words x

    • Huge hugs and thank you so much for sharing a little bit about your journey and how you feel. It takes tremendous courage to do so! I’m sorry for your loss and send you much love and healing. My heart is thankful that you felt the validation and intent of love with the words from that piece! You are NOT alone in these feelings. You are not alone…please feel free to reach out anytime!

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