I am not pregnant. I am fighting infertility


Relatives are so kind these days. Of course, they have to be kind. It is 2013 and they are so called ‘educated’, ‘modern’ people. They give you ONE full year to enjoy before they start pestering you with the most irritating question, “So when is the good news?”

Bollywood has played its role in over hyping this situation. An old relative or Mom-in-law will ask, “So when is the good news?” and you are expected be all shy, coy and blushing. And answer by puking leading to over the top ecstatic expressions.


I really want to know who started this question to imply pregnancy. I mean can’t your job, increase in salary, purchasing a new house or a car be the good news. Oh never! At least, not for the married couple that hasn’t yet popped up a child.

Based on my personal experiences here I enlist three clear cut stages of answering this question along with interesting reactions.

Stage 1- You just celebrated your first anniversary.

Yes, you get all coy and shy. Pass a smile and leave the question unanswered.

Well, you are young, hopeful and under the influence of Bollywood, and far away from the reality check.

Stage 2 – You have been trying for 3 years and still unsuccessful to conceive.

Some people know, most don’t. Those who don’t know will first ask about the number of years you have been married and then the quintessential question but with a twist, “So how long will you be celebrating your honeymoon? Isn’t it time for the good news?”

A flood of emotions will curl up inside you. Tears swell up, you feel all choked and you struggle to control. You don’t have the strength to answer. You feel weak in legs. You feel depressed. You give a wry smile, avoid looking into their eyes and find the slightest excuse to run and hide away in your closet.

You are so scared of this looming question that you cut yourself off from the social circuits and avoid going to parties.

Stage 3 – Married for almost 6 years now.

Irritated and bordering hopelessness in this struggle you have reached your upper limit where you can’t take any more failures.

Well, the question again pops up and with yet another sarcastic twist, “So, you are enjoying extended honeymoon. No plans for the good news yet.”

This time, you fight back.

You look into the eyes of the person, keep a straight face, no emotions, just dry facts – I have had 5 miscarriages in the past 6 years of marriage. We are struggling to fight infertility. And if this is the extended honeymoon then it is of the worst kind.

Yes, you did it. You faced your weakness. You feel strong and relieved. No more hiding and giving diplomatic answers.

The person who asked the question is taken aback. She has never faced such an honest and straightforward answer. Just stares with complete loss of words.

You totally enjoy this discomfort of the so called intelligent questioner. You guys have made us so uncomfortable over the years now this is your turn, a small moment of victory for you.

She regains control and tries to blurt out some sympathetic lines. But, you have left by then.

You never needed their sympathy.

Written by Gitanjali Banerjee via